Sweet Sixteen on The Blond Champagne

I never quite understood what was so sweet about sixteen. I understand that it's when you can go for your driver's permit but if your idea of sweet isn't driving then what is the big deal? I spent my sweet sixteen with a dear friend, my Dad took him and I along for a media literacy presentation (I have always loved the study of media) and then we went out for dinner. It sounds nerdy, it may even sound underwhelming but it was honestly one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I spent it with people I love and got to do something I wanted, not what society told me I should have been doing for my "sweet sixteen", I was happy.

If you found yourself here through my instagram post you will know that I said it is all UP from here and I wanted to share the last few weeks with you and the impact they have had on me. I didn't meet anyone new, anyone famous, I didn't read a new life changing book or even find a "deeper" meaning or spirit from the holiday season. I was reminded of who I am and what I have always wanted through spending time at home, time with old friends, with loved ones, counting down the end of the year with close freinds and starting 2016 by purging material weight from my apartment.

It all sounds like a lot, and when I look back over the last few weeks it is a little overwhelming but really so simple. Without sounding like a cheesy instagram post "Who were you before the world told you to be?". I used to always shrug that quote off when I read it but it has a lot more meaning to me now. The world never tells you directly who you should be. There is no meeting called where you sit across from "the world" and you are told who you are and what you are going to do for the rest of your life. The world or life though, does give your circumstances, expectations and pressures that in it's way tells you who you should be without you ever realising it. How often did you do something because you felt like you "should" or because "it's what you do?" How often did you do that last year? How about over the last 10 years. Did you get where you are now through intention or are you there through fear? Fear of not doing the right thing?

Over the last few years I have encountered health challenges I could never have imagined before. I can honestly say that I went form taking my health relatively for granted to constantly worrying and feeling burdened by it. My life changed drastically, time spent with doctors, time not spent with friends, time in agony and an overall feeling of having no control over the one thing that is completly mine, my body.

The last few weeks I have been reminded of who I was prior to having my health become my main and sole focus. When I had the luxury of waking up and only having to be concerned by what I wanted to do that day not having to take into consideration my limtations. I felt lighter. I felt like I could be more fun and I felt like I had independance and control. It wasn't all perfect though, I didn't love my body, I worried about how peple would perceive me for my hair (was it too blond or not blond enough), my make up, my clothing, was I doing what I should be doing? Was I a complete failure at 21? Was I pleasing people? Looking back they seem silly but they burdened me then and I am sure burden many every day. I still have some of those worries. I did feel control though and that is my goal for 2016.

My "Sweet 2016" resolution is to live more out of intention than fear. Sounds pretty simple and may make me sound like I'm an overly anxious, fearful person but I believe fear encompasses more than the screaming horror film stuff that first comes to mind. Fear to me is anything that causes worry, anything that causes you to feel shame, to feel guilty or pressured because of external factors. It may not be the Oxford dictionary's definition but it's going to be my working one. I will still be faced by the same limitations and challenges caused by my health but I want to celebrate and excercise my control where I can. I want to feel lighter where I can and choose to be happy. Am I making you eye roll yet? I don't care.

Here are my resolutions, I hate that term. Let me call them what they reall are: goals. Goals to me seems more do able. They are something that you work towards with a plan, unlike resolutions that you break in a matter of weeks. Anyway, here are my Sweet 2016 goals - subcategories to my bigger one.

1. Stop asking people whom I meet for the first time "What do you do?" Is your favourite thing about your best friend their job? Probably not. Do not belittle someone to their job, the most interesting thing about someone is not what they do 9-5. Fine, there are exceptions, entrepreneurs, people who followed their love and passion and made a career out of it but, 9 times out of ten that is not the case. Sure people like their job but I'm sure there are parts of their life they LOVE. I challenge myself and you to find out what that is.

2. Stop talking about fears, difficulties and just stuff you don't like. Serioulsy. I am bigger than my health. I am more interesting than my health and I don't want to talk about it. Bad things happen and life goes on and they stay in the past if you let it. Bringing things up and perpetuating the conversation unneccessarily doesn't help. Sure there are situations I will speak about it but I know when that is.

3. Keep things tidy. I love clean and tidy. I feel better and more at ease as well as empowered when I am in the right environment. I was able to get rid of a lot of things I really did not need at the beginning of this year and really do feel lighter for it. If I don't love it, need it or only have it because I feel pressure to do so, GET RID OF IT! One of my friends said that her resolution was to lead a more minmalist lifestyle and this is my small way of doing so as well.

4.Journal. I journal regularly but I am challenging myself to do it even more. I write usually when I am bothered by something and it allows me to sort out my thoughts and have a sense of control. I am challenging myself to journal throughout the day, instead of scrolling endlessly through social media I want to write here and there.

5. Be more self forgiving and exercise more self love. Anyone who knows me will say that I apologise, say sorry and believe in endless second chances except for myself. I can be tough. Really tough on myself and I know that I shouldn't be. The saying may be to treat others as you would like to be treated but I need to treat myself as well as I treat others.

I think that my sixteenth birthday is an excellent example of how I want my "Sweet 2016" to be, what I am going to strive for it to be. I want to do things I like to do - even if it may seem uncool or unusual, I want it to be filled with those I love and I want it to end with a smile and excitement for what's to come. I will be keeping you up to date on my #TBCSweetSixteen on here and on social media. I want to hear your goals though, what are your goals for a sweet 2016? Comment below or hashtag them on Twitter or Instagram. Let's keep each otehr going and make this the sweetest 16 ever!